I had a blog already planned and ready to write… and then something happened. Around three weeks ago I sent a message through the online patient portal to get my buspirone (Buspar) refilled. It’s a generic version of the safe and popular anti-anxiety medication. It’s often prescribed for general anxiety disorder and has really helped me for the last year. I’ve gotten it refilled for a year now, with the doctor providing 3 months’ worth of refills at a time. No problem. It gets sent into the online pharmacy the insurance company uses. There’s never been a problem before.

Nearly a week passed with no reply. Normally when a prescription is sent to the online pharmacy I get an email or text message, and this didn’t come. I called. Spoke with a receptionist who said that she’d make sure the message was passed along. They’d had a new computer system (which seems to be an annual occurence there) and didn’t get the message. She’d make sure it was taken care of. Three days later–nothing.

I waited another few days and called. This time I had to leave a voice mail. It wasn’t returned and still no refill was processed. I waited three days and left another message. Again, nothing.

I had to face it. I’d either been medically abandoned, which was quite likely since at my last office visit, I mentioned just how bad my symptoms have gotten and how bad my pain was. Although we’d talked about a muscle relaxant she’d never prescribed it either. And this was the good doctor.

I’m sure you’re reading this saying I had to keep pushing. To find answers. To get answers. But you must understand that with the overwhelming fatigue and pain, I didn’t have energy to fight this battle. And I’ve been abandoned before, so I know how this works. And honestly, I’m so tired of fighting this battle.

So about a week after this my husband called to get his regular prescription filled. No problem. Except, our doctor left the office. He scheduled an appointment with a new doctor next week. It’s all good.

And me? Apparently I fell through the cracks.

I’m tapering off the last of my buspar, making it last as long as possible, and I’m tapering off my other medicine, the one that causes horrible bad side effects if it’s stopped directly. Because I can’t trust in this opioid hysteria (and no, my other medicine is routine and not even a pain medicine/opioid), that any doctor will actually care for chronic pain patients. Certainly none here. Remember, I’ve been down this road before.

And it’s ended up with me slipping through the cracks – medically abandoned once more.

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